I forgot it again

You were a child for a while later become the person, who thinks that he/she is an adult or adult enough to be adult… Confusing but it is true. If you think that you are an adult, then probably you are in other cases, you still something between child and adult person in your deep and maybe too long goes on teenager period. I am stacked in that teenager’s period. I am not teenager any more but I can not say that I feel I am enough adult to be one of them too. At work I am architect I talk with clients and they think I know everything… silly because I still study small and big details of that subject – architecture. At parties I am not adult enough too because I get drunk very fast, I dance too much. I can drink just a black coffee and usually just without sugar, maybe it is  the most adult thing what I am doing. Yes, I am working, driving, buying food and do some more stuff but I live my life and I live it not in adult role.

Today I am feeling that with my 25th birthday I changed myself little bit. I forget again as this year some my lovable singers, actors, actresses and artist birthday. I could not say nothing any where. No post in twitter or facebook… what would not be difficult to do.

Yesterday Tom Peter Odell celebrated his 24th birthday. I love his music, his blond hair, British accent and that messy way as he do everything and that creativity way and crazy style as he play his songs. I did my Master Diploma work with this talented young man’s music.  Also I missed Theo Hutchcraft b-day too… Daniel Radcliffe… Emma Watson… and some more.

Before some years I sent them cards, posters, created songs and believed that one day I will talk with them alive. I still believe but I do not send anything anymore. I planed because I just want to know or believe that my artwork hangs on the wall and one time he/she watched at it.

Am I silly? Yes, I know. But I still believe that I am not an adult so I still can be whatever I want.

I hope Tom had a great birthday and easy morning…

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The Peach (lyrcis)

You called me a peach

That time

You called me the peach

I don’t know why…

You said that near the wall, where you standing that day.

You spent time with me, with me

However, you wanted to be with my friend.

Oh, dear…

I was so silly.

Now I stood that.

You asked me go out,

When she didn’t have time to do it.

You drove me to my home.

I was sitting near your house.

You called me a peach

That time

You called me the peach

But why?

And I wanted to share my thoughts

And I wanted to share my worries with you

I wanted to share my love…

You didn’t let me to drink

But I drank, I didn’t listen you

cause I wanted to be more free

That you felt more comfortable with me.

You called me  damn peach

Oh, why?

You called me the peach

But why?

You spent time with me for why?

You called me damn peach

Oh, why?

You called me a peach.

Oh, why.

I stood that everything was not a true

A lot things were just in my mind, my mind

But maybe its not a truth

and you are lier

I think I know the truth

you like me too.

You called me a peach

That time

You called me a peach

I don’t know why

I’m sorry for that

But maybe you are a bad man

I am not your peach

Anymore….

 

 

 

When you were near
I couldn’t think
I felt such a weak
I wanted to be…
If you haven’t guided me,
I lost my way.
I was yours
And it didn’t matter what I said.

That beautiful time was too short for saving
I didn’t have any answer to your messages and calls in midnight.
I realized I couldn’t help you to be stronger
I tried to fix myself and start to feel it again
Tried to be more than just a friend
I searched my mistakes
I missed sometimes your warmth
But I don’t want to change myself anymore.

And then, when everything looked right You hurt me
I am not a trash and you can’t just use me like that
if your girlfriend wasn’t nice with you
it did not mean you can hurt me too.

I wanted to shout, yell on you
punch in your face and said the truth
but I just drove home by my car
Sat and cried in the dark
listened the piece of jazz.

That beautiful time was too short for saving
I didn’t have any answer to your messages and calls in midnight.
I realized I couldn’t help you to be stronger
I tried to fix myself and start to feel it again
Tried to be more than just a friend
I searched my mistakes
I missed sometimes your warmth
But I don’t want to change myself anymore.

The Peach

Yesterday, for really, I should say that before a week, in short time I played with piano and just like a game created some accords. Later some words. And yesterday, I wrote or played something like a song, named Peach.

Probably nothing new, just life, love and emotion and it is still a question why he have called me the peach. Whatever…

I see that I write the song in very strange moment of my life when I am too busy for real to do it, when I have not any feelings of anything but I would like to have some of them, then I am too tired to be happy, but not enough tired to get rest and it looks like I am sleeping near or with my piano and it, I should say, is a quite big thing and then… I start to play some silly sounds, later they catch me and hold me till I write the words. That melody plays in my head till the headache syndrome and just after one or two weeks it lets me to go but when I am not sure where I  have to go and still be with it in my head and as it is possible to play it everywhere and change it, every time I play it in different way. I can play one song all day and it is like killing process, I have to say.  However, after that I feel empty and when I started to think about new one but… it does not come as easy as I would like. I should say that to make architecture is easier or collage or something. But to write the song… for me it is very difficult in emotional way cause the song gets the piece of me probably bigger piece than I give for my architecture or whatever I do.

I have to say, maybe I will say, thank you for this song to Tom Odell. He inspired me to write it.

But story, it is the past. I hope it will be the past forever.

I think I will make the sound vid and post it and photo collage of that emotion. It will be something for what now I will be living. All creating processes catch me till madness and I love it but my nearest do not like it.