No more apologies

Oh, Holidays…

I was waiting you so much that when you crossed my door step I grabbed you in my embrace and hold till that night when I hold somebody else. After that I changed my mind about a lot of things what is happening around me especially about myself and my life.

It is strange but now I feel more free and more me.

I do not know why people forget you why they say sorry without any reasons, why want to apologise if they did not do anything bad. But they are people. They are men. British men. Eh… I am always like this.

 

When I danced you looked at me

Touched my dress and piece of skin

Wanted me, probably I saw but ignored it.

Let’s go out for a walk,-

We walked, ran and lied in the grass.

I felt my t-shirts was full of sand

Time stopped when you started to kiss my neck…

 

4 am. Time to go home

We are both in the elevator

our faces look silly in this light

but we remembered that night.

4 am. Time to go home

We are both in the elevator

our faces look silly in this light

but we remembered that night.

I did not feel any shame or regret

so why you always just apologise, man.

I wanted to kiss you and stop that

You will find another girl

And You won’t be too shy to dance with her.

Bey and please no more comments.

Our ways will be crossed just by the Internet yarns

So goodbye and no more apologies.

 

 

 

 

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Be with me

You have to travel through the world

I’m waiting you at home

like I would be

a woman in peace…

I will take off all your worries

and hang them near mine

No one of us know where and

can not see the the reason why…

My one hand will be on your back

in another I will hold the glass.

When you will play for me

beautiful evening jazz.

 

You will play and later say ‘be with me’

I will hug and whistle to your ear.

‘Be with me’

 

And we will sit down as two stupid people

looking into each other eyes.

‘Be with me’

touching each other hands

‘Be with me’

Smelling each other hair

‘Be with me’

Be with me

till you are here.

 

Tomorrow will come and you will travel again

but now, be with me till the end.

 

And we will sit down as two stupid people

looking into each other eyes.

‘Be with me’

touching each other hands

‘Be with me’

Breathing the air

Be with me

and hold me

till you are here.

The Peach (lyrcis)

You called me a peach

That time

You called me the peach

I don’t know why…

You said that near the wall, where you standing that day.

You spent time with me, with me

However, you wanted to be with my friend.

Oh, dear…

I was so silly.

Now I stood that.

You asked me go out,

When she didn’t have time to do it.

You drove me to my home.

I was sitting near your house.

You called me a peach

That time

You called me the peach

But why?

And I wanted to share my thoughts

And I wanted to share my worries with you

I wanted to share my love…

You didn’t let me to drink

But I drank, I didn’t listen you

cause I wanted to be more free

That you felt more comfortable with me.

You called me  damn peach

Oh, why?

You called me the peach

But why?

You spent time with me for why?

You called me damn peach

Oh, why?

You called me a peach.

Oh, why.

I stood that everything was not a true

A lot things were just in my mind, my mind

But maybe its not a truth

and you are lier

I think I know the truth

you like me too.

You called me a peach

That time

You called me a peach

I don’t know why

I’m sorry for that

But maybe you are a bad man

I am not your peach

Anymore….

 

 

 

When you were near
I couldn’t think
I felt such a weak
I wanted to be…
If you haven’t guided me,
I lost my way.
I was yours
And it didn’t matter what I said.

That beautiful time was too short for saving
I didn’t have any answer to your messages and calls in midnight.
I realized I couldn’t help you to be stronger
I tried to fix myself and start to feel it again
Tried to be more than just a friend
I searched my mistakes
I missed sometimes your warmth
But I don’t want to change myself anymore.

And then, when everything looked right You hurt me
I am not a trash and you can’t just use me like that
if your girlfriend wasn’t nice with you
it did not mean you can hurt me too.

I wanted to shout, yell on you
punch in your face and said the truth
but I just drove home by my car
Sat and cried in the dark
listened the piece of jazz.

That beautiful time was too short for saving
I didn’t have any answer to your messages and calls in midnight.
I realized I couldn’t help you to be stronger
I tried to fix myself and start to feel it again
Tried to be more than just a friend
I searched my mistakes
I missed sometimes your warmth
But I don’t want to change myself anymore.

The Peach

Yesterday, for really, I should say that before a week, in short time I played with piano and just like a game created some accords. Later some words. And yesterday, I wrote or played something like a song, named Peach.

Probably nothing new, just life, love and emotion and it is still a question why he have called me the peach. Whatever…

I see that I write the song in very strange moment of my life when I am too busy for real to do it, when I have not any feelings of anything but I would like to have some of them, then I am too tired to be happy, but not enough tired to get rest and it looks like I am sleeping near or with my piano and it, I should say, is a quite big thing and then… I start to play some silly sounds, later they catch me and hold me till I write the words. That melody plays in my head till the headache syndrome and just after one or two weeks it lets me to go but when I am not sure where I  have to go and still be with it in my head and as it is possible to play it everywhere and change it, every time I play it in different way. I can play one song all day and it is like killing process, I have to say.  However, after that I feel empty and when I started to think about new one but… it does not come as easy as I would like. I should say that to make architecture is easier or collage or something. But to write the song… for me it is very difficult in emotional way cause the song gets the piece of me probably bigger piece than I give for my architecture or whatever I do.

I have to say, maybe I will say, thank you for this song to Tom Odell. He inspired me to write it.

But story, it is the past. I hope it will be the past forever.

I think I will make the sound vid and post it and photo collage of that emotion. It will be something for what now I will be living. All creating processes catch me till madness and I love it but my nearest do not like it.