Wait by M83

It reminds me too much of my life and my dreams with you, A. Too much that I could forget them in one day… You was like my Sun system, Cosmos, Universe, the reason why I move in this Earth. You broke me in pieces in the same brutal way as you pick me up just with your fabulous coldness.
I want but I can not forget one trip, one wish, one night, one dream, my dream and my wish. It was perfect to drive with you in black dark night listened music of M83, I was like a soul and wanted to be as light all my life. I was sure, I was myself, but you… I do not have any idea what happened that moment in your head. Did you dream about the starts? Did you count way stripes? Did you think about me???

And now, after maybe more than two years you are still in me as very important memory of this unhappy love story, without any love at all in it just my dreams and wishes absolutely sometimes I think that I just dreamed everything…

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No more apologies

Oh, Holidays…

I was waiting you so much that when you crossed my door step I grabbed you in my embrace and hold till that night when I hold somebody else. After that I changed my mind about a lot of things what is happening around me especially about myself and my life.

It is strange but now I feel more free and more me.

I do not know why people forget you why they say sorry without any reasons, why want to apologise if they did not do anything bad. But they are people. They are men. British men. Eh… I am always like this.

 

When I danced you looked at me

Touched my dress and piece of skin

Wanted me, probably I saw but ignored it.

Let’s go out for a walk,-

We walked, ran and lied in the grass.

I felt my t-shirts was full of sand

Time stopped when you started to kiss my neck…

 

4 am. Time to go home

We are both in the elevator

our faces look silly in this light

but we remembered that night.

4 am. Time to go home

We are both in the elevator

our faces look silly in this light

but we remembered that night.

I did not feel any shame or regret

so why you always just apologise, man.

I wanted to kiss you and stop that

You will find another girl

And You won’t be too shy to dance with her.

Bey and please no more comments.

Our ways will be crossed just by the Internet yarns

So goodbye and no more apologies.

 

 

 

 

Be with me

You have to travel through the world

I’m waiting you at home

like I would be

a woman in peace…

I will take off all your worries

and hang them near mine

No one of us know where and

can not see the the reason why…

My one hand will be on your back

in another I will hold the glass.

When you will play for me

beautiful evening jazz.

 

You will play and later say ‘be with me’

I will hug and whistle to your ear.

‘Be with me’

 

And we will sit down as two stupid people

looking into each other eyes.

‘Be with me’

touching each other hands

‘Be with me’

Smelling each other hair

‘Be with me’

Be with me

till you are here.

 

Tomorrow will come and you will travel again

but now, be with me till the end.

 

And we will sit down as two stupid people

looking into each other eyes.

‘Be with me’

touching each other hands

‘Be with me’

Breathing the air

Be with me

and hold me

till you are here.

Quote — Love is when you meet someone who tells you something new about yourself. by Andre Breton

And every time with every new person I know more and more about myself, my hobbies, worries and stupid fears for living and be alive. That person, without any knowing about it tells you more about yourself than you have known from your childhood days. Why? Because you are true with him or her and you can not lie yourself in those moments too. People always lie for themselves because it is a very hard job  to be free, feel free and live your own life not the life, what others want from you.

The Peach (lyrcis)

You called me a peach

That time

You called me the peach

I don’t know why…

You said that near the wall, where you standing that day.

You spent time with me, with me

However, you wanted to be with my friend.

Oh, dear…

I was so silly.

Now I stood that.

You asked me go out,

When she didn’t have time to do it.

You drove me to my home.

I was sitting near your house.

You called me a peach

That time

You called me the peach

But why?

And I wanted to share my thoughts

And I wanted to share my worries with you

I wanted to share my love…

You didn’t let me to drink

But I drank, I didn’t listen you

cause I wanted to be more free

That you felt more comfortable with me.

You called me  damn peach

Oh, why?

You called me the peach

But why?

You spent time with me for why?

You called me damn peach

Oh, why?

You called me a peach.

Oh, why.

I stood that everything was not a true

A lot things were just in my mind, my mind

But maybe its not a truth

and you are lier

I think I know the truth

you like me too.

You called me a peach

That time

You called me a peach

I don’t know why

I’m sorry for that

But maybe you are a bad man

I am not your peach

Anymore….

 

 

 

When you were near
I couldn’t think
I felt such a weak
I wanted to be…
If you haven’t guided me,
I lost my way.
I was yours
And it didn’t matter what I said.

That beautiful time was too short for saving
I didn’t have any answer to your messages and calls in midnight.
I realized I couldn’t help you to be stronger
I tried to fix myself and start to feel it again
Tried to be more than just a friend
I searched my mistakes
I missed sometimes your warmth
But I don’t want to change myself anymore.

And then, when everything looked right You hurt me
I am not a trash and you can’t just use me like that
if your girlfriend wasn’t nice with you
it did not mean you can hurt me too.

I wanted to shout, yell on you
punch in your face and said the truth
but I just drove home by my car
Sat and cried in the dark
listened the piece of jazz.

That beautiful time was too short for saving
I didn’t have any answer to your messages and calls in midnight.
I realized I couldn’t help you to be stronger
I tried to fix myself and start to feel it again
Tried to be more than just a friend
I searched my mistakes
I missed sometimes your warmth
But I don’t want to change myself anymore.

Hejdå, Stockholm

It was a journey short journey what changed my life. Where I am now, in Lithuania, I feel like this is just a stop and my real life must be in Stockholm.

To say goodbye to Stockholm cost me so much. Especially nice moments with R. I really like him, it is sad that I was too short. His eyes… yes… so beautiful eyes in them you still can see the kid eyes. I like it so much, very nice smile and speaking tone. yep. everything little bit or somethings quite a lot amaze me in him. I am so angry on me that I was too shy and waited too long but.

I can not change the past but I can create the future.

Monday was such a nice and heavy day. To see all people what I like so much and say them that it is the end… maybe it is just the beginning, my new life project.  I also had a fantastic very calm and inspiring evening with classical music of Carl Nielsen (Denmark compositor)  and what a sweet tea with my friend A. Her cake, mine sandwich with salmon, I really like salmon especially with some tomatoes… hmmm. And after that 2 hours for packing my stuff .

I am at home and I miss a lot of things what I had yesterday and in last three months.

It is just a stop.

I want to be with him. sorry.

Stockholm, Skogskyrkogården, pomolio 2013Stockholm, Skogskyrkogården, pomolio 2013Stockholm, Skogskyrkogården, pomolio 2013

My love is my Swedish Stockholm