Wait by M83

It reminds me too much of my life and my dreams with you, A. Too much that I could forget them in one day… You was like my Sun system, Cosmos, Universe, the reason why I move in this Earth. You broke me in pieces in the same brutal way as you pick me up just with your fabulous coldness.
I want but I can not forget one trip, one wish, one night, one dream, my dream and my wish. It was perfect to drive with you in black dark night listened music of M83, I was like a soul and wanted to be as light all my life. I was sure, I was myself, but you… I do not have any idea what happened that moment in your head. Did you dream about the starts? Did you count way stripes? Did you think about me???

And now, after maybe more than two years you are still in me as very important memory of this unhappy love story, without any love at all in it just my dreams and wishes absolutely sometimes I think that I just dreamed everything…

Advertisements

Where is my life going?

Today have had really hard day. No, it was not hard like I had heavy works, no, I have had to make one but really important decision about maybe further my year and about my career and bout my life too. What do I want to do? Who am I? What is my plan of this life? Of this year? Of the period of two years? and so…

I got too much opportunities to choose one or another work. Yes, I go to the different offices and their headmasters talk with me and ask me, that I will come in their office and be their architect assistant or something like this.

I think the decision is made. Now probably I sold my work just for good money in little bit maybe boring job. But I want to leave my parents house and start to life on my own. I am not a child anymore, I am 24 y.o. adult person.

hr...

 

1. What do I want to do in my life?  I want to be happy, feel happiness around me, live my life not others, be strong. I want to be created person, who has a lot of different jobs and one of them are an architecture, because it is my love no. uno.

2. Who am I? I am a f*ckin’ dreamer, extravert person, who has a lot of plans, but they are little bit too much near the clouds. I walk on the ground but always be somewhere else. Sometimes it is my meditation places, sometimes scene from movies, what caught me and I am still like stupid actress in her cage. I am young and in that case I make not clever or smart choices, especially about the love. I keep piece of myself in music. Still one small detail of my brain lets me believe that I can sing and play by piano and I should try this more and more or be an artist and make collage exposition. Logical part says that I should be great architect office owner but now I need to make more more more and more practice at it.

3. What is my plan for this life? I am still searching it. However, one piece of me believe that is teaching other and help them, make them to believe in themselves as I try to do it all the time.

4. What is my plan for this year? To find or create myself as I always wanted to be. To become a woman, strong and self confident woman with passion for life. To start for working and make my own money.

5. What is my plan for period of two years? 1. It is start to study Philosophy Doctoral studies at Architecture and find really interesting theme for this. Try to be part of my Academy and be the tutor. 2. Be happy woman and see some more clearly that I could be the family person. Be founded by love.

Sorry, I think it is interesting to read someone’s thoughts but I really need to write them down. Now I know. Some silly question can make situation more clearly and they can help me to concentrate my power and energy to the right sides. Maybe it is the same to you too. If yes, I would like to read your questions or some suggestions, how you fix yourself in such a hard situation… where is my life going?

 

Good night,

Monika

Promise for myself no.2

After one or two things what happened in my life I remembered that I have something like

the list:

So, some of them are done:)

I am so happy that I sold my car. It was blue, old Citroen Xantia, not very nice but was really fast and I had with her (yes, my car was she), some really nice journeys a lot of funny moments and situations. She was my first car, first crash, when I broke her into the green Ford, which was near the green fence and under the big green tree in really rainy day. Yep, that was my first crash… Gh… But yesterday, I sold her. Old, blue and with spiders net. Some moments I got flash backs about Herbie a quite old movie with L. Lohan and that stupid thing, the car has feeling. But I got my money and she left me forever… I know I am cruel… But now she is the cars’ heaven.

I fall in Love… I know it is not nothing new in my love. But this one is not really falling its  pretty different, oh, well, it is just crush, I hope so.

Also this week has been little bit stressful. Day before yesterday, I had nice conversation with really important architect and interesting man about… nope, not about architecture, about symbols, symbolism in Baltic culture, different cultures and so on. I know it was just 11 am but near that conversation would be great a glass of red wine. And today I had nice conversation with my boss about my working opportunities in their office and factory. I will be a wooden, garden houses architect. I will start from Monday, Yahoo…

I have created some music for my poems and played them by piano. I love my piano, but I can not play if anybody is at home, they do not understand that… Like one moment in my holiday when I sang karaoke and my mum said: ,,oh, I did not think that you can sing…well, she was pretty shocked:D

By the way, about the mark of my Master Diploma. It was 10 in LT Education system, what means A. The best mark or Perfect, baby:) Yes, I am nerd or geek:P

Still need a lot.

I really think about making my artworks exposition in one of Kaunas’s galleries. I hope I am having enough time and creating energy. Wish me that:)

Also I cut my hair.

My Instagram is ml.meka

Again short hair😀

A post shared by Monika (@ml.meka) on

 

No more apologies

Oh, Holidays…

I was waiting you so much that when you crossed my door step I grabbed you in my embrace and hold till that night when I hold somebody else. After that I changed my mind about a lot of things what is happening around me especially about myself and my life.

It is strange but now I feel more free and more me.

I do not know why people forget you why they say sorry without any reasons, why want to apologise if they did not do anything bad. But they are people. They are men. British men. Eh… I am always like this.

 

When I danced you looked at me

Touched my dress and piece of skin

Wanted me, probably I saw but ignored it.

Let’s go out for a walk,-

We walked, ran and lied in the grass.

I felt my t-shirts was full of sand

Time stopped when you started to kiss my neck…

 

4 am. Time to go home

We are both in the elevator

our faces look silly in this light

but we remembered that night.

4 am. Time to go home

We are both in the elevator

our faces look silly in this light

but we remembered that night.

I did not feel any shame or regret

so why you always just apologise, man.

I wanted to kiss you and stop that

You will find another girl

And You won’t be too shy to dance with her.

Bey and please no more comments.

Our ways will be crossed just by the Internet yarns

So goodbye and no more apologies.